"We can say with confidence and a clear conscience that we have lived with a God-given holiness and sincerity in all our dealings. We have depended on God’s grace, not on our own human wisdom. That is how we have conducted ourselves before the world, and especially toward you."
The day will come when I can confidently agree with Paul. These days are not those days, at least in my moment to moment and day by day view. I may look back and find in my reflection of this year that I truly did rely on God in all my dealings once I got through the rough patches and over the walls of Jericho. Paul and his bros could do it, and so can I, because we both serve the same God. The same grace that was in Paul's favor is in mine, and I WILL learn to depend on that grace in all my dealings, and not human wisdom. I love that Paul makes note of the fact that his holiness is God given. He makes no effort to claim the glory for himself. He makes no effort to say it was by his works that he was made holy. All too often I beat on myself when I'm not measuring up to Gods standard, not fulfilling what I know His word says. I try to gain my holiness, while at the same time also knowing that I AM made holy by Christ's sacrifice and my repentance. The weight of the burden this brings is difficult to say the least. I ask the Lord to remove the burden and yoke of the bondage of the heaviness but I will find myself still feeling the weight which is discouraging to say the least. I need to learn to rest in the truth that my identity is from God, my holiness and sanctification and righteousness is from God. Yes, there's my side of the wall where I turn the dials but I cant turn my dials until I believe that His grace truly IS sufficient in my times of need, that He abounds in mercy, is full of love, and I don't need to stress trying to be righteous or holy or set apart. It is a natural process that I can't force. I’m reminded of an analogy. You don't ever see an apple tree making a squinting face trying to squeeze apples out. It just happens naturally as it spends more time being nourished and in the light. In the same way, my walk with Christ is to be the same. I am to do my part of consecrating myself and the fruits will come naturally. I will find myself reflecting the word of God in my life without trying to squeeze it out in my own strength, which, in my experience, is a terrible experience. Definitely not the way to do things.
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